February 28, is the day I got sober.
October 28, is the day I became a mother.
I saw a quote Friday morning that gave me a split second of guilt followed by a wave of gratitude.
"When my kids are grown one day, I want them to look back at their childhood and think, 'Wow, Mom really enjoyed us.' I want them to know that the privilege of being their mom was always greater than any hardship, annoyance, or inconvenience. I want them to know what a gift they were to me every single day." - Casey Huff.
Forgiveness isn't a one-time thing. I find myself constantly forgiving myself for the time I spent inebriated during my daughter's formative years. Sometimes I turn to her and just say "Mommy is sorry she wasn't such a good mom when you were younger." Most times she looks at me, shrugs her shoulders, and says "It's okay." Other times, while we are watching tv, she will randomly say, "I love you, Mommy!"
This is my daughter's second birthday where I have been sober and/or not nursing a hangover. We had a "Stranger Things" themed birthday party with a real-life light ceiling. Imagine the 1983 version:
and the 2022 version:
I absolutely love being able to let my creativity flow. I love a good party. I love doing all of this sober! There was a time in life, where NONE of this would have come to fruition. I love making memories with my daughter. I love that we will have moments where she looks back and sees that mommy was doing her best when she was drinking and that mommy did even better when she was sober.
I love the life I am continuing to create. I love the ways I am uncovering my true likes and dislikes and standing firm in what I do and don't accept.
The greatest gift I could ever give myself is also the greatest gift I could ever give my daughter. A sober mother.
When you think of parenting your children as a privilege, what are the most memorable moments that come to mind?