Building the community you need
During the past two weeks, my temperament has been swinging on a pendulum. I've reconsidered my current career (which honestly is becoming a more common occurrence), mismanaged the extra hour we gained with the time change, and drowned in the effects of the full moon (the moon can change the tides, and the human body is up to 60% water- JUST saying), all while stumbling my way in recovery. I have been absolutely exhausted. My overthinking, annoyance with others' normal (like they've always been this way- why are you mad?) personalities, and intense feelings of imposter syndrome have overshadowed any achievements this week.
I've been word vomiting on my boyfriend, but like in a way you would a therapist. Which is one of the things on my growing list of things to do. Find. A. New. Therapist. I spoke to someone last night who suggested I 1. yes find a therapist, 2. continue building a local community of people to who I can vent to, who will hold me accountable, and who I can build friendships with. I mentioned that its really unfortunate that we create friendships where we can't get into the nitty gritty of our emotions which was met with the counter thought of "If we want those types of friends, it's our job to create new friendships where we can get into the weeds of our emotions, but nurturing them enough to where that is NOT the only reason for the friendship. If venting is the only reason for the association, then there is a verbal understanding."
I feel my problems are a burden to others. They aren't big enough for me to complain about.
I feel when I share, I overshare. I need to give you all the details including what color stripes were on their shirt.
In oversharing, my quirks come out and I'm not always comfortable with the world seeing all my awkwardness (work in progress).
I don't want our friendship to be based around venting, problems, and issues
I always think it's a bad time for me to be calling. I never allow someone else to make that choice for themselves
I always think phone calls with someone you haven't connected with recently need to be hours long. It's okay just to check in.
I come from the age of staying up all night on the house phone talking to friends. Honestly, as adults, we don't have the luxury of spending that much time on the phone learning about the other person
I realized, because of the thoughts held above, many of my childhood friendships have not developed and we are still only scratching the surface of who we are in relation to one another. Other childhood friendships fizzled out years ago. I do have a few that are stronger than ever, which I believe is based on the intentional time spent together when we were younger and the intentional time we have created as adults, giving grace because life be lifeing!
I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been experiencing life on a pendulum the past two weeks. Can't say for certain, because I never reached out to anyone for a quick chat.
Creating new friendships takes self-awareness, it takes deliberate time and effort. Nurturing ongoing friendships takes self-awareness, it takes deliberate time and effort. Creating and nurturing authentic adult friendships is hard. Building the community you need is crucial in recovery. We were created to be in community with others. Your reminder today, you don't have to do life alone. You choose to do life alone.
Give a friend you've lost contact with a call this week. Take ten minutes to catch up with them.
What do you find most difficult about building adult friendships? What have you found works best when creating new friendships?